We would always wonder about the actions and candid behavior from previous refugees. By previous I mean here the Palestinian and Iraqi refugees, because now we, the Syrians, have become the refugees.
Only now have we realized the meaning of the word refugee. This word we used to utter like any other seven letter word, but now it has a different meaning and a different taste.
I miss my land and my house that is now destroyed. I miss the place where I left my memories in every corner; the memories of my husband and my children. I miss my bed and my pillow, where since I left it I haven’t been getting much sleep. I miss my kitchen that was full of different types of plates and cutlery that I went through a lot to collect.
I miss my big library that was bursting with all kinds of university text books, religious books, children’s books, novels, and those American scientific journals translated into Arabic. Those journals that I always threatened my husband with selling on the road if he didn’t read them all.
I miss my children’s toys, and their rooms that gave them a sense of stability in their lives. They always come to me and say: “Mom, please get us our beds so that we can sleep on them. Also get us our plastic swimming pool and our desks.”
All I can say is goodbye to my beautiful home; it’s now buried along with nine years of my life. Years I spent organizing it corner by corner, until it became my heart, my little home, and my safe place.
How did I end up broken in another country? In a country where its people also suffer from economic woes; how can we make it here?
When I first arrived in Jordan I spent days inside the house; I didn’t want to go outside or meet anyone. I felt as though the word ‘refugee’ was written on my back, and only now do I know what it means. Do you?
But I will not be overcome with despair. We have gone through a lot, but we didn’t give up. On the contrary, we stood strong and faced reality with all our strength to overcome our crisis.